What I'm going to tell you is a true story. A birthday of a friend of mine is coming soon. I've only bought her a present once, and several times before for different occasions. Some people reading this would proabably know who I'm talking about.
I've known this girl for a couple of years. She was sweet, pretty, and very nice to talk to. However the relationship was purely professional. We've only met a few times to swap scores between our bands. I'll give her small presents and short messgaes to wish her luck for her upcoming concerts and SYF, and she'll message me at times. All seemed well.
Till Cadenza '05 came.
Cadenza was an RGSSB concert, and they invited us (RIMB) to come perform with them, along with another Japanese school band. Thing is, it was minutes before RI went on stage, and in tradition, I got her a small rose to well, wish her luck once more. Here comes the stupid part. Feel free to slap me for it.
She was well, talking to a friend, and I was standing there, beginning to feel rather akward. But who was I to just interrupt their little conversation? So when I finally got her attention, I was in a rush. RI was going on soon, and I was still stuck here. I gave her the flower, and ran off. But what I said to her, still haunts me till today. I said sorry.
What kind of jerk would say sorry for giving a girl a rose? I did. And after that, I don't know what happened. I kept getting the feeling that she didn't want anything to do with me anymore. I didn't dare to even send her a SMS. Not even to see her nick on MSN. I once asked for the conductors score for a particular song, and had originally wanted her to pass them to me during a RJC scholarship talk that RI and RGS went for. At first, she said she couldn't go. A few days later, she said that she went with someone else, and she passed the scores to my junior.
Who clearly couldn't have gone for the talk, he was only secondary 2. He had no reason to go to RJC. Even after i interrogated him, he said that no one met him or passed him anything. My secondary 3 junior said the same. Up till now, I still don't know where the scores are.
Then came J1 life. You all wondered why I initially didn't want to join band? Here's the real reason. Half of me didn't want to join because I've lost passion for the art of music making. The pther half was that I didn't dare to see her. Call me a coward for all you care, but I just didn't know what I would do if she joined. So when I went for the first practice, I was partly relieved to see that she hadn't joined. Don't get me wrong, I'm not against her joining RJCSB, that's her choice. I just don't know what I would do.
Then one day, after a few months of silence, she messaged me. You wouldn't believe how glad I was at first, then my fear re-sank. She asked why I didn't join band, because I hadn't like come for the two pracs that SHE went. Half of me rejoiced of being able to see her once more, but the other more dominant half reminded me, haunted me of the incidents of times past.
Now I see her everytime I go for band. A pang of guilt everytime I see her. Sometimes I see her talking to the other guys, laughing, and I would think back to the times when we chatted. I just didn't dare to even start a conversation with her, cause everytime I see her, with the other guys, I just can't help but feel, that I was out of the game. Others are definitely better than I can ever be, and would probably make her much happier. Furthermore, I just feel uninvited. It's not as though I could just join in the conversation, not after I "joined" their conversation last year, Cadenza.
Now her birthday is coming up, thanks to Jian Wei who "hinted" at me to do something about it. I am. And so begins the biggest gamble of my life. It's about time I came clear with my past. I cannot let it haunt me any longer. I feel that I can't even buy her a gift, so I'll have to do something else. I'm going to make her an E-Card, much like the one for Valentines. In it I'll explain it all, why I've been a jerk, avoiding her, not even daring to look her in the eye. I'm not looking for pity, I'm looking for forgiveness. For saying sorry for giving a rose. For even thinking I had a chance. For even bothering her at all. It's the least I can do. For now.
I've known this girl for a couple of years. She was sweet, pretty, and very nice to talk to. However the relationship was purely professional. We've only met a few times to swap scores between our bands. I'll give her small presents and short messgaes to wish her luck for her upcoming concerts and SYF, and she'll message me at times. All seemed well.
Till Cadenza '05 came.
Cadenza was an RGSSB concert, and they invited us (RIMB) to come perform with them, along with another Japanese school band. Thing is, it was minutes before RI went on stage, and in tradition, I got her a small rose to well, wish her luck once more. Here comes the stupid part. Feel free to slap me for it.
She was well, talking to a friend, and I was standing there, beginning to feel rather akward. But who was I to just interrupt their little conversation? So when I finally got her attention, I was in a rush. RI was going on soon, and I was still stuck here. I gave her the flower, and ran off. But what I said to her, still haunts me till today. I said sorry.
What kind of jerk would say sorry for giving a girl a rose? I did. And after that, I don't know what happened. I kept getting the feeling that she didn't want anything to do with me anymore. I didn't dare to even send her a SMS. Not even to see her nick on MSN. I once asked for the conductors score for a particular song, and had originally wanted her to pass them to me during a RJC scholarship talk that RI and RGS went for. At first, she said she couldn't go. A few days later, she said that she went with someone else, and she passed the scores to my junior.
Who clearly couldn't have gone for the talk, he was only secondary 2. He had no reason to go to RJC. Even after i interrogated him, he said that no one met him or passed him anything. My secondary 3 junior said the same. Up till now, I still don't know where the scores are.
Then came J1 life. You all wondered why I initially didn't want to join band? Here's the real reason. Half of me didn't want to join because I've lost passion for the art of music making. The pther half was that I didn't dare to see her. Call me a coward for all you care, but I just didn't know what I would do if she joined. So when I went for the first practice, I was partly relieved to see that she hadn't joined. Don't get me wrong, I'm not against her joining RJCSB, that's her choice. I just don't know what I would do.
Then one day, after a few months of silence, she messaged me. You wouldn't believe how glad I was at first, then my fear re-sank. She asked why I didn't join band, because I hadn't like come for the two pracs that SHE went. Half of me rejoiced of being able to see her once more, but the other more dominant half reminded me, haunted me of the incidents of times past.
Now I see her everytime I go for band. A pang of guilt everytime I see her. Sometimes I see her talking to the other guys, laughing, and I would think back to the times when we chatted. I just didn't dare to even start a conversation with her, cause everytime I see her, with the other guys, I just can't help but feel, that I was out of the game. Others are definitely better than I can ever be, and would probably make her much happier. Furthermore, I just feel uninvited. It's not as though I could just join in the conversation, not after I "joined" their conversation last year, Cadenza.
Now her birthday is coming up, thanks to Jian Wei who "hinted" at me to do something about it. I am. And so begins the biggest gamble of my life. It's about time I came clear with my past. I cannot let it haunt me any longer. I feel that I can't even buy her a gift, so I'll have to do something else. I'm going to make her an E-Card, much like the one for Valentines. In it I'll explain it all, why I've been a jerk, avoiding her, not even daring to look her in the eye. I'm not looking for pity, I'm looking for forgiveness. For saying sorry for giving a rose. For even thinking I had a chance. For even bothering her at all. It's the least I can do. For now.
posted by WrathZ_Raven at
4:15 AM
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